[So, ok, I know "Elite Eight" is a college basketball thing. But it applies here! You think "Divisional Round" has a better ring? You crazzzy.]
Kicking us off in the AFC during this Elite Eight weekend of football are the 13-3 Denver Broncos, who play host to the 10-6 Baltimore Ravens. The Broncos…what’s the word?… shellacked the Ravens in the Week 15 game, blasting out to a 31-3 lead, and ending with a final score of 34-17.
What do we think? Oh, those poor Ravens. First, they send out Ray Lewis in style by crushing the playoff run of a man who’s battling cancer (#Chuckstrong!). Now, they travel to the notoriously thin air of Denver (funny how sportsnewspeople only started talking about altitude when the Broncos started winning) to re-face a man who’s battled his way back from four neck surgeries and is playing the best football of ever. (Hmm. Was that an objective statement?) Look, the popular Ravens-related stat right now is that Joe Flacco is like the first QB to win a playoff game in his first five seasons. Woo-hoo. You know what he hasn’t won in those five seasons? A mother-fucking Superbowl. And the Manning at the helm of the Broncos has won one and appeared in another. (Fine, the Superbowl win was ’06. Still.) Final score: Ravens 21, Broncos 35.
The second AFC game this weekend is another rematch: the 12-4 Houston Texans head north to face the
fucking 12-4 New England Patriots. Their previous meeting was an embarrassment for the Texans, who were never a factor in the 42-14 loss. Yes, the whole team was never a factor. You heard me.
What do we think? Listen, I’m no dummy. The smart money is on the Patriots, and you can read all the logical, statistical reasons here. But I’m siding with Rembert Browne today: the Texans will win because I FEEL that they will win. (So, he was writing about the Falcons. He’s young.) What causes me to have this belief? To defy the numbers people? History? Belichick’s playoff power? I’ll tell you what: Arian Foster changed his Twitter avatar! To a direct quote of an article by a Boston sportswriter calling the Texans fradulent! And Foster offered no commentary on this change, which leads me to feel that he’s going to run right over the Patriots on Sunday. Don’t try and argue with my feelings. I also feel that JJ Watt will sack Tom Brady 45 times. Final score: Houston 27, Patriots 24. [JMS]