You call it. (Getty)
[So, ok, I know "Elite Eight" is a college basketball thing. But it applies here! You think "Divisional Round" has a better ring? You crazzzy.]
Kicking us off in the AFC during this Elite Eight weekend of football are the 13-3 Denver Broncos, who play host to the 10-6 Baltimore Ravens. The Broncos…what’s the word?… shellacked the Ravens in the Week 15 game, blasting out to a 31-3 lead, and ending with a final score of 34-17.
What do we think? Oh, those poor Ravens. First, they send out Ray Lewis in style by crushing the playoff run of a man who’s battling cancer (#Chuckstrong!). Now, they travel to the notoriously thin air of Denver (funny how sportsnewspeople only started talking about altitude when the Broncos started winning) to re-face a man who’s battled his way back from four neck surgeries and is playing the best football of ever. (Hmm. Was that an objective statement?) Look, the popular Ravens-related stat right now is that Joe Flacco is like the first QB to win a playoff game in his first five seasons. Woo-hoo. You know what he hasn’t won in those five seasons? A mother-fucking Superbowl. And the Manning at the helm of the Broncos has won one and appeared in another. (Fine, the Superbowl win was ’06. Still.) Final score: Ravens 21, Broncos 35.
Run, baby. (Getty)
The second AFC game this weekend is another rematch: the 12-4 Houston Texans head north to face the fucking 12-4 New England Patriots. Their previous meeting was an embarrassment for the Texans, who were never a factor in the 42-14 loss. Yes, the whole team was never a factor. You heard me.
What do we think? Listen, I’m no dummy. The smart money is on the Patriots, and you can read all the logical, statistical reasons here. But I’m siding with Rembert Browne today: the Texans will win because I FEEL that they will win. (So, he was writing about the Falcons. He’s young.) What causes me to have this belief? To defy the numbers people? History? Belichick’s playoff power? I’ll tell you what: Arian Foster changed his Twitter avatar! To a direct quote of an article by a Boston sportswriter calling the Texans fradulent! And Foster offered no commentary on this change, which leads me to feel that he’s going to run right over the Patriots on Sunday. Don’t try and argue with my feelings. I also feel that JJ Watt will sack Tom Brady 45 times. Final score: Houston 27, Patriots 24. [JMS]
Alright, settle down. Keep your finger away from the ‘F’ button on your keyboard for a minute and think this through. Let Foster, (Mission Bay High homeboy),have a great day smashing up the Pat’s defenders, please let J.J.Watt leave Brady spitting out Foxborough turf for days, but PLEASE don’t wish away one more colossal clash of the titans in a Mt. Olympus type setting. Another Manning vs Brady showdown is a gift to any lover of football, and hopefully a classic for the ages that you’ll share memories of with your grandchildren. Feel free to use plenty of profanity when telling and re-telling the tale of the epic battle,( that’s just Grandma being Grandma whenever she talks about that Tom Brady guy).
Well said, Robert. There’s a lot of anger in this post – well-deserved, not well-deserved. Who am I to judge? My only note is that you shouldn’t argue against the Pats advancing. Denver-New England is the match-up we want to see at the end of the day. Anything else would be a letdown on par with, say, Alabama playing Notre Dame in the BCS national title game.
Let me just say to the BOTH of you: 1. I won’t apologize for my language. I was feeling a lot of feelings. 2. With no Manning to complete the Manning/Brady showdown, we should all recklessly cheer on the Texans. 3. I woke up very irritated with John Fox’s conservative calls at the end of regulation. So I’ll be cursing about that in the near future. 4. Anyone rooting for the Pats can stay at home.